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Lost Years

by 09

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1.
Breathing through ash, as I watch the lights pass Through a lens distorted by sounds of a different life Giving way to morning and thoughts of what could have been What a sorry state A sorry state I’m in Now the colors bleed The same faces don’t move me anymore Soak in your memory The only fix for me But forward is forever On a familiar path Chasing echoes of the past Searching for something I used to know Reciting lines I’ve always known Broken with sincerity Now there’s nothing left for me The sound of your voice reminds me that This won’t last Now the colors bleed The same faces don’t move me anymore Soak in your memory The only fix for me But forward is forever Thoughts of you leave my head I still feel how the air was then The summer calls and autumn scoffs Waiting for a greater spark I still feel how the air was then Now the colors bleed The same faces don’t move me anymore Soak in your memory The only fix for me But forward is forever Now the colors bleed The same faces don’t move me (I still feel how the air was then) Soak in your memory The only fix for me (I still feel how the air was then) But forward is forever
2.
Eyes on isolated absent passengers In scarlet transition “Leave me to the sound of my own broken convictions” I’ll release my being And you’ll drive it down below Misconceived bastard son “This is all I know” Take me and break away from everything before Monument of stone A cold reminder I’ve been wearing thin Caught between vomiting the right words the wrong way Heavy on the dirt Lower still I’ve been wearing thin Caught between the letdowns While the earth is fracturing Speak of fear Broadcast it in the static Tongues lashing out again Will this moment ever be enough? Monument of stone A cold reminder I’ve been wearing thin Caught between vomiting the right words the wrong way Heavy on the dirt Lower still I’ve been wearing thin Caught between the letdowns While the earth is fracturing Bury your thoughts in half smoked cigarettes Busy with the illusion of control Line your cheeks with ash and the regret Swear by the washouts and let it swallow you whole Let it swallow you whole Monument of stone A cold reminder I’ve been wearing thin Caught between vomiting the right words the wrong way Heavy on the dirt Lower still I’ve been wearing thin Caught between the letdowns While the earth is fracturing
3.
Feeling the pressure of this sustain As the blood rushes out my face A poison that saturates my veins Broken words of an old refrain If all we know is what we hide So be the pain held deep inside Stitched together, this sole confide Let my soul give way to light With the trust you took, you left a broken man And now I question everything I am Speaking truth from a hollow heart I found myself in everything you're not I’m paralyzed by the seasons change I wish that they’d stay the same Longing to remember, trying to forget Mourning all the days I’m lost in my head Lost in my head I can’t stand the thought again Of you running circles in my head With the trust you took, you left a broken man And now I question everything I am Speaking truth from a hollow heart I found myself in everything you're not I’m torn between my pride And a fear of the unknown For you? For you, I tried Now I’d rather be alone With the trust you took, you left a broken man And now I question everything I am Speaking truth from a hollow heart I found myself in everything you're not
4.
I still feel the space between us when I sleep Waking up in cold sweat, torn apart from seam to seam A bitter sting, so many things were left unsaid And you're still stuck inside this whirlwind that you created in your head Do you feel relief? Now that the feeling’s dead. I was always opened up to hope, but you went and made your bed Your words are the secrets buried deep inside your soul I can't break the wheel of time, only you can make you whole Are you paranoid? Maybe all your secrets spilling out my voice Can free you from this Are you paranoid? Do you see my face when you close your eyes? I’m sick and tired of holding back, when all you do is lie To tell the truth, I always should’ve run from you I can feel the pressure rising, pushing me to the top of the room I feared the worst Feelings lost inside my head Afraid to pen this hurt They’ll never go unsaid Are you paranoid? Maybe all your secrets spilling out my voice Can free you from this Are you paranoid? I’ll sing a song you’ll never hear Your head and heart were never there With panicked breath, opened my eyes In my head saw you again I’ll sing a song you’ll never hear Your head and heart were never there With panicked breath I found comfort with you again If only in my head Paranoid Maybe all your secrets spilling out my voice Can free you from this. Are you paranoid?
5.
When the phone rings, I know Cutting through the static The tremble of a broken soul Words don’t come easily I don’t know what to say I brace myself for tragedy Why are you calling? Maybe I am desperate now Maybe I am broken down I know this will come around I know this will come around Fearing the worst and I’m in my head Letting go, and I’m spiraling Save me from myself Can you save me from myself? Save me from myself I was afraid once to lose you From dust to dust, this suffering Is this what the years will bring? Now a distance I only imagined What do we leave behind? Lost in the voice of a silent room I’ll stay with you Maybe I am desperate now Maybe I am broken down I know this will come around I know this will come around Fearing the worst and I’m in my head Letting go, and I’m spiraling Save me from myself Can you save me from myself? Through slits above me, I see A moment suspended and willing An earnest heart in innocence, I knew This is what the years would have for you This is what the years would have for you
6.
7.
I hear my name Distant voices take me to a place I hate I see your shadow Your lore contains me Always pulling me closer I see through your masquerade I see the mess you made A burning fire you can’t contain With every word, you make me break You never want the real me Just a fake Pacing back and forth Moving moments in desperation The motion of a vacant man I gave you everything I had And now I fight to break away I see through your masquerade I see the mess you made A burning fire you can’t contain With every word, you make me break You never want the real me Just a fake I could give you the world But you’ll never know peace I could give you the world But you’ll never be free I hope you're well in your suffering I see through your masquerade I see the mess you made A burning fire you can’t contain With every word, you make me break You never want the real me Just a fake I see through your masquerade I see the mess you made A burning fire you can’t contain With every word, you make me break Forget the life I used to know Let go
8.
I’ve got nothing here, I’ve got nothing home A bitter lie inside my bones, the only truth I know Cast into the grey, light drifting away Aimless thoughts and idle hands, wandering yesterday There’s no way back, no light left behind But I need it, I need it In a bad way, empty, fighting for my life And I need it, I need it Take me to the days, before the chaos and ache Lines are marked by heavy thought and echoes of my shame I’ve got nothing to give, I’ve got nothing to say Now I burn my hope in the furnace of yesterday There’s no way back, no light left behind But I need it, I need it In a bad way, empty, fighting for my life And I need it, I need it I hear a song in voices, a hope that is my chorus I’ll walk until I find the light, I’ll carry on There’s no way back, no light left behind But I need it, I need it In a bad way, empty, fighting for my life And I need it, I need it I’ll wander ‘til the dark is gone
9.
Lies on lies spilling out your lips Copy and pasted magazine clips Bloodshot eyes filled with ill intentions Digital vagrant, digital vagrant Sell yourself, no burden of proof You’ve brazenly conflated the truth You thought you had me fooled You thought you had me fooled You’re a liar, you’re a fake And now I know that you’re all the same Everybody will forget your name Tell me all about how you’re so damn perfect Shouting out everything you’re not Everybody will forget your name Manic intensive manipulation Creeping dissimulation Now I'm wise to your deception Digital vagrant, digital vagrant Oh, I see what’s going on Convince yourself you’re never wrong, well I’m not playing along I’m not playing along You’re a liar, you’re a fake And now I know that you’re all the same Everybody will forget your name Tell me all about how you’re so damn perfect Shouting out everything you’re not Everybody will forget your name I’d cut your eyes out to keep them from me I'd sew your mouth shut to keep the words inside And I’ll rip the mask you wear right from your skin Now the world will finally see who you’ve always been You’re a liar, you’re a fake And now I know that you’re all the same Everybody will forget your name Tell me all about how you’re so damn perfect Shouting out everything you’re not Everybody will forget your name You’re a liar, you’re a fake And now I know that you’re all the same Everybody will forget your name Tell me how you’re so fucking perfect Shouting out everything you’re not Everybody will forget your name
10.
I found a new religion That feeds on my addiction It fills me up inside It makes me feel alive We make our own decisions Set fire to our intentions Oh, fill me up with lies Make me feel alright Prescribe the things that I need There’s nothing wrong with being callous (We remain unconscious) And when there’s nothing to believe We walk a tightrope we can’t balance (And then it all comes crashing down) We all wanna be free But do we know what it means? Bring me to my knees (It’s so much better being numb) We break apart from the seams This is the life we lead We buy into the deceit It’s the American disease I speak but you don’t listen Built the walls to my own prison I locked myself inside The cage of my own mind I make my own decisions Set fire to my intuition At least it gets me high It makes me feel alive Prescribe the things that I need There’s nothing wrong with being callous (We remain unconscious) And when there’s nothing to believe We walk a tightrope we can’t balance (And then it all comes crashing down) We all wanna be free But do we know what it means? Bring me to my knees (It’s so much better being numb) We break apart from the seams This is the life we lead We buy into the deceit It’s the American disease We choke on our pride When faced with the truth Tell me, what is the price? When we’ve got everything to lose Into the divide We’ve lost ourselves Now my palms start to sweat And my knees to shake We’re building a fever How much more can we take? I never wanted this And now I’ll run from it We all wanna be free But do we know what it means? Bring me to my knees (It’s so much better being numb) We break apart from the seams This is the life we lead We buy into the deceit It’s the American disease It’s the American dream
11.
An honest place where I never felt alone I remind myself what it means to be home Your voice would always carry me Though burdened beneath responsibility Honestly I didn’t know it Someone to help me find a little bit of direction Even when I didn’t know it A splendid array Of fractal insecurity Broken lines through light decaying Showing the way to find a little bit of direction Even when you didn’t know it As the sky falls down around me Your words echo through As the years fade, I'll carry on With the love I always knew The love I knew I always knew Staying out late, I’d keep you waiting Looking back now, I didn't get it The grey hairs and nail biting I never thought my mistakes would even impact you at all Your vision in my eyes is greater than that Recalling those years I remember the best You were the one to help me find a little direction Thanks for waiting As the sky falls down around me Your words echo through As the years fade, I'll carry on With the love I always knew The love I knew I always knew I will carry on With your light shining through You helped me find my own direction Even when I didn’t know it As the sky falls down around me Your words echo through The years fade, and I’ll hold on To the love I always knew The love I knew I always knew I will carry on With your light shining through As the sky falls down around me Your words echo through As the years fade, I'll carry on With the love I always knew The love I knew I always knew I will carry on With your light shining through You were the one to help me find a little direction Even when you didn’t know it Even when I didn’t know it
12.
Glimpses of the things we can recall Dispersed among the pieces that I never mentioned at all This time, a problem I cannot solve Stare uncertainty in the eyes through a glass wall Maybe a blank space to start something new Or a message that I should’ve sent to you As I’m asked to face the end I think of all of the ends Flashes of the past, I watch through the palms of my hands They can pick and choose what they want to I can leave the mark that I want to As we begin again, do we repeat the process? A breaking point Where all I’m left with is silence Maybe a blank space to start something new Or a message that I should’ve sent to you Where do I find the importance? On an isolated throne I dwell on impermanence After years, the words won’t matter But the way these pages resonate Gives me something to hope for

credits

released August 24, 2021

09 is EJ Olson & Chancelor Reeder
Produced by Justin Abel & EJ Olson
Music written & performed by 09 & Justin Abel
Engineered & mixed by Justin Abel
Mastered by Mike Kalijian at Rogue Planet Mastering

Additional bass on tracks 1-8, 10-12 written, performed, & engineered by Michael Palmquist at Spire Audio
Additional guitars on Consolidator written & performed by Bob Hall
Vocals for Echoes engineered by Mike Karle at Monkey Studios
Vocals for Consolidator engineered by Allen Casillas
Vocals for Lost Years engineered by Joey Bradford at Vibeatorium in Vista, CA
Vocals for Dead Roots engineered by Matthew Putman at Electric Nebraska Studio
Vocals for Masquerade engineered by Kellin McGregor
Vocals for American Disease engineered by Kellin Quinn
Additional vocals for Echoes, Dead Roots, & Digital Vagrant engineered by EJ Olson

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09 Portland, Oregon

No singer? No problem. 09 [OH-NINE] features a different artist on each song, collaborating with singers across the scene. Hailing from Portland, Oregon, childhood best friends EJ Olson and Chancelor Reeder strive to celebrate the music they love with other artists they love! ... more

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